FIT THIRTY FIVE
It happened, again.
I think it's no secret that I've wanted to make a living as an artist and a photographer. I spent most of my life chasing that goal (okay, a good chunk also chasing wheels), I moved across the country to go to art school, I've invested money into gear, time into technique. I've shot personal projects, I've given my time to local teams and athletes. I find myself unable to get people to want to pay me for photography though.
Lately the conversation with myself goes like this: “Maybe you're just not good enough”.
Dramatic I know. But it's not without logic. I'm trying to decide if I'm blaming the wrong factors contributing to my lack of success. I've always thought I had the work ethic. I think I have the skill or knowledge, even when I lack the right gear to exercise that knowledge. I know I'm not great at networking with people, especially telling people with budgets they should spend those budgets on my services. And then… maybe I'm kidding myself? Letting myself off easy by blaming factors outside my abilities?
It's classic in bike racing. Even (especially?) in local racing I've heard every excuse. “Alex would totally have won today, but their cleats were 2° out of orientation” “Michelle was winning until it started raining” “Jesse pretty much would have won if they were on an Aero bike”.
Maybe I just don't have it. Maybe it's the bike racer/artists delusion that tells people they can win, they can make something important or valuable. I want to keep pushing and I definitely will keep shooting photos and chasing this particular dream. But it's what haunts my mind lately. Am I lacking? Am I just kidding myself?
And then there's the weird pseudo-affirmations that prompted this post. The gem of the digital era where someone reaches out via one of the 16 different social messenger apps (that you don't/can’t check often) to say “Hi! You shot this great photo that for (reasons) the (publication) wants to run in their article, could I get that image in hi-res as the (publication) requested it?” Sweet sweet vindication. Here I am, good enough again. Valuable. Up until you realize you have to reply “Hi, sorry, I don't see messages on this app very often, please reach out via email next time”.
That's not the part that's hard again though. It's the response that they just ran the version from your website. Great. Not only did a (publication) not ask if they had permission to use your work, they ran with what ultimately probably looks like crap web quality. And we're back to feeling like your work has no value again.
I started with it happened again because it's been three times this year people have reached out about my photos from racing (which by the way, I love shooting racing, I love photography and racing so clearly I love shooting races…) and they've either said that my work wasn't worth paying for (after having it published previously in one case) or it was just run without my knowledge.
Vindicated, but not remunerated.
There's more to the story. There's a shared responsibility between publications and photographers alike. Photographers (even hobbyists) need to stop giving their work for free. Sponsoring teams or athletes promotion is wonderful (I'm happy to have conversations about this! All day!) but broad stroke free work makes it very difficult for photographers trying to break into a living. That.. is a whole other post that is also all over the internet already, maybe another day.